Let's c if u send it back

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw
a kid from my class was walking home from school. His
name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his
books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring
home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a
nerd."

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football
game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I
shrugged my shoulders and went on.

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward
him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his
arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses
went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten
feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible
sadness in his eyes.

My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and
as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw
a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said,
"Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives." He looked
at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face.

It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where
he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him
why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private
school before now.

I would have never hung out with a private school kid
before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some
of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I
asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my
friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the
more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my
friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the
huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said,
"Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles
with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and
handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best
friends. When we were seniors, we began to think
about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I
was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be
friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He
was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business
on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the
time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for
graduation.

I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and
speak. Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He
was one of those guys that really found himself during high
school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.
He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.
Boy, sometimes I was jealous.

Today was one of those days. I could see that he was
nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back
and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me
with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.
"Thanks," he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and
began. "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped
you make it through those tough years. Your parents,
your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly
your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a
friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I
am going to tell you a story."

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the
story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill
himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had
cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do
it later and was carrying his stuff home.

He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.

"Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from
doing the unspeakable."

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular
boy told us all about his weakest moment.

I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same
grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With
one small gesture you can change a person's life. For
better or for worse.

God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another
in some way. Look for God in others.

Love test...

Soniya,

Please answer the following questionnaire.
For Options (a)10 marks,(b) 5 marks and (c) 3 marks.


If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving
me. Don't delay in
expressing it. If you have scored between 30 and 40,
love is budding in
your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you
have scored less
than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or
not.

1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight
always falls on me
because

(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really .... am I doing it


2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn
and look at me
because
(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile


3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and
immediately you
stopped singing because
(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song


4) When you were showing your child photo, when I
asked for it, you hid
it because
(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know


5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand
for lifting you
and you took only my friend's because
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know


6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get
into your bus.
(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the
bus
(c) that bus was crowded


7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to
college because
(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think
about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them


8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day,
you came with a
rose on your head because
(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose


9) On that day, it was my birthday. you too came to
temple early at
6:00 AM because
(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on
my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are
spiritual


Eagerly awaiting the result of Love Exam
- Ani

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Soniya's reply letter was also in Q/A format.

Ani,
Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.

1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people
entering the
class, sees them
(a) Yes
(b) No


2) If a girls laughs and sees anyone, is it love ?
(a) Yes
(b) No


3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the
songs, will
he/she stop singing or not ?
(a) Yes
(b) No


4) I was showing to my friends who are girls my child
photo. You poked
you nose inside..... right ?
(a) Yes
(b) No


5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking.
Couldn't you
understand yet?
(a) Yes
(b) No


6) Should I not wait for my friend (girl) ?
(a) Yes
(b) No


7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend
?
(a) Yes
(b) No


8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower,
banana's flower. Is
it true ?
(a) Yes
(b) No


9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see
you in temple. I
come daily to Temple. Do you know ?
(a) Yes
(b) No


If you have answered 'Yes' to any of the question,
then I am not
loving you.
If you have answered 'No', then you don't know the
meaning of Love.

- Soniya

Girlsssssssssssss

The problems with GIRLS

If u TREAT her nicely, she says u are IN LOVE with her;
If u Don't, she says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS Nicely, she says u are trying to LURE her;
If u Don't, she says u are from MADURAI.
If u ARGUE with her, she says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET,! she says u have no BRAINS.
If u are SMARTER than her, she'll lose FACE;
If she's Smarter than u, she is GREAT.
If u don't Love her, she tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love her, she will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)
If u tell her your PROBLEM, she says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u don't, she says that u don't TRUST her.
If u SCOLD her, u are like a CHACHA to her;
If she SCOLDS u,! it is because she CARES for u.
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If she BREAKS hers, she is FORCED to do so.
If u do WELL in your exams, she says it's LUCK;
If she does WELL, it's BRAINS.
If u HURT her, u are CRUEL;
If she HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!! & sooo hard to please!!!!!
If u send this to girls, they will swear that this is absurd.......
But if u don't, they say u are afraid to send it to them....
The moral of the story is......

SEND THIS TO GIRLS OUT THERE ANYWAY...
Send it to boys also, aware them of the truth!!!!!!

The basic diffrence b/w a man & a woman

How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM
1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away...

How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM
1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake
25. Drive on...

Problem with Girls..girls* and guys please give ur comment

The problems with GIRLS:

;
If u TREAT her nicely, she says u are IN LOVE with
her;

If u Don't, she says u are PROUD.

If u DRESS Nicely, she says u are trying to LURE her;

If u Don't, she says u are from CHENNAI.

If u ARGUE with her, she says u are STUBBORN;

If u keep QUIET,! she says u have no BRAINS.

If u are SMARTER than her, she'll lose FACE;

If she's Smarter than u, she is GREAT.

If u don't Love her, she tries to POSSESS u;

If u Love her, she will try to LEAVE u.(very true
huh?)

If u tell her your PROBLEM, she says u are
TROUBLESOME;

If u don't, she says that u don't TRUST her.

If u SCOLD her, u are like a CHACHA to her;

If she SCOLDS u, it is because she CARES for u.

If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;

If she BREAKS hers, she is FORCED to do so.

If u SMOKE, u are BAD BOY;

If she SMOKES, she is a GENTLELADY.

If u do WELL in your exams, she says it's LUCK;

If she does WELL, it's BRAINS.

If u HURT her, u are CRUEL;

If she HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!

& sooo hard to please!!!!!





If u send this to girls, they will swear that it's not
true.......

but if u don't, they say u are selfish.....

The moral of the story is.......SEND THIS TO GIRLS OUT
THERE ANYWAY...
Send
it to boys also, gives them some laughter ...

--------

Words to remember for a while



Boys are like apples on trees. The best ones are at
the top of the
tree.



The girls don't want to reach for the good ones
because they're afraid
of
falling and getting hurt. Instead they just get the
rotten apples that
are
on the ground, that aren't as good, but easy.



So the apples at the top think that there is something
wrong with them,
when
in reality, they are amazing.



That is why we just have to be a little patient and
the right girl, the
one
who takes a chance to find the good, right apple, will
come someday...



Send this to all the boys who you know are at the top
of the tree.



So Guys if u are alone...this means that u r on
top....so be confident
and
wait for ur time....

AUTHOR: UNKNOWN

Especially for Hyderabadies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are a true Hyderabadi if:
1. Your address reads as 23-404-32/67A-43 (New MCH
number 56-678/4A/B-22),while you actually live in
the
second house beside Zamzam cafe in lane behind
Anand
Theatre on SP Road.

2. You end up buying only a salwar kameez, whether
it
is a theatre workshop, food mela, consumer expo,
designer jewellery show, science show or an
automobile
convention.

3. Your street has at least one roadside mobile
hotel
that serves Chinese delicacies such as "Vegetable
soft
needles", "Navrotten Kurma", "Chicken Manchewurea"
or
"American Chompsee".

4. Your answer is 'seedha chale jao' when somebody
asks you for directions,whether it is to Malakpet,
Masab Tank, Malkajgiri or Moosapet.

5. You come across tailors sporting the board:
Immidiot delivery in two days only.

6.You can speak Hindi, Urdu, hyderabadi hinglish,
except Telugu, fluently.

7.You ask the waiter to get you some 'Mango pickle'
even if you are sitting at a lavish continental
banquet dinner with exotic Chinese, Mexican, talian
and Lebanese cuisines.

9. You order for a tea just after having had a
Caramel custard.

10. You have at least one Srinivas,Prasad, Raju
or Venkatesh within six square feet. OR you have at
least one cousin, friend, colleague or acquaintance
with these names.

11. You have at least one cousin, friend, colleague
or
acquaintance in the US in software.

12. Everytime somebody gives you a piece of good
news, the first thing you ask them is 'Party kab
hain?'

13. Refer to any past as 'parso', be it yesterday or
long before three hundred years.

14. You call 11 AM as subah subah.

15. You label your boss as 'Dimakh Kharab'

16. You are 15 minutes late and you feel you are
on time.

17. You look at the fixed price stand and still
ask 'dene ka bolo'

18. You are reading this and secretly admitting
that you are, after all, a true blue Hyderabadi.

you know one thing..... Once a Hyderabadi, always a
Hyderabadi.

Newton & Rajnikanth!

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil
movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced
that all his logic and laws in physics were just
a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he
had done.

In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to
such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few
scenes:

1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to
the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent.
In one of the fights, our great
Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's
surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking
away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long
Live Rajanikanth!

2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3
gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately
only one bullet and a knife.
Guess, what he does...
He throws the knife at the middle gangster... & shoots
the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the
bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the
gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the
knife kills the middle one.

3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth
has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess, what he
does. Nah... not even in your remotest
imaginations.

He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the
gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet
compartment of his revolver and catches the
bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and
fires his gun. Bang...
the gangster dies...

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was
completely shaken and decided to go back. But he
happened to see another
movie for one last time, and thought that at least one
movie would follow his theory of physics. The
whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in
the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!

The 'climax' finally arrives.Rajanikanth gets to know
that the villain is on the other side of a very high
wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump
even if he tries like one of those superman techniques
that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth
has to desperately kill the villain because it's the
climax. (Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually
impossible...)

Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets.
He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has
reached above the height of the wall, he uses
the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first
gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is
dead.

Newton commits suicide...

Indian English at its best

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by
people from various places. This is Indian English at its best.

1. A candidate's application: "This has reference to your advertisement
calling for a 'typist and an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am
both for the past several years and I can handle both, I am applying for the
post.

2. An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I have to go to my
village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week
leave.

3. Another employee applied for half-day leave as follows: "Since I've
to go to the cremation ground and I may not return, please grant me half
Day casual leave".

4. A friend of mine had written a leave letter to the headmaster: "As I
am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to
leave me today".

5. A family friend of ours told an incident of his friend's letter: "I
am suffering from fever, please declare holiday to the school".

6. Another leave letter written to the headmaster: As my headache is
paining, please grant me leave for the day.

7. A covering note:, "I am enclosed herewith...

8. Another leave letter written to Administration dept: As my
Mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, please grant me 10
days leave.

9. Actual letter written for application of leave: "My wife is
suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted
leave".

10. Letter writing: - "I am in well here and hope you are also in the
same well."

The Do's And Don'ts For All Zodiac Signs

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
DO'S
Aries are naturally active and vibrant people and they tend to like
such people too. You will have to increase your pace to be in step
with them. They like and appreciate frank and straightforward persons.
With them you can be your true self (but don't try your luck being
over frank-they are volatile). If you are in love with an Arien, then
you have to show your enthusiasm in all their activities (you can
always yawn later!).
DON'TS
Do not tell an Aries that s/he may be wrong. Any such statement may
stir a storm in a teacup. Aries are very faithful and passionate
lovers. Do not give air to the smouldering fire within them by making
them jealous. No flirtation or fooling around with others in their
presence unless of course you wish to write your death wish (you will
be granted!).

Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)
DO'S
Stability and dependability characterise Taurus. They like people who
can blend and grow with them. If you have a Taurus partner you should
appreciate all things bright and beautiful. They have an inherent
artistic sense and are fond of colour and music. Judge life with them
from a purely materialistic point of view. Enjoy everything luxurious
that money can provide. Enjoy good food (better if you can cook to
please them) and good drinks with them.
DON'TS
Taurus do not loose their temper easily (in fact you may spend the
whole life with them and still no spark) but you should not push your
luck too much. Being unreasonable or aggressive with them may get you
into trouble. Do not press him/her into a corner, and if you do, be
prepared for a violent rage. Taurus is capable of violent outbursts
though such an event is is very rare occasions. They can be
suffocating when they are possessive about you.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
DO'S
Gemini is a highly intellectual and versatile person. If you have a
Gemini partner you have to match your wits with his/her wits to keep
the zing in the relationship. They want to be mentally stimulated so
you have to be good at conversing. Your sense of humour will get you a
permanent residence in the heart of a Gemini. Be more communicative
with them, and if you are good at this, you will never know how hours
pass by holding each other's hand.
DON'TS
Gemini's like to do many things at the same time, so if unfortunately
you are the type who is looking for stability you may get
disappointed. Do not hold back a Gemini or you may lose him/her, as
they are restless and need change in life constantly. You should try
to adopt yourself with the ever-changing Gemini. Orthodox or
conservative old fashion ideas are no-no in their dictionary. Change
with the ever-changing Gemini and do not flow against the current.

Cancer (Jun22 - July 22)
DO'S
Try to adapt yourself with the changing moods of the Cancer. At one
moment they may be laughing and enjoying and in another they may sulk.
You may have to adjust with the moody and sensitive Cancer. They are
like the tides in the ocean, always fluctuating. Cancerians love food,
so if you know how to cook and can be poetic and romantic (added
Bonus) then you know the way to their heart.
DON'TS
Cancerians are very sensitive people and can get easily hurt. So do
not play with their emotions and sentiments. They are like tides that
can sweep you along. They form emotional bonds with even inanimate
things, so do not ask them to discard old caps or souvenirs. Such
things hold special meaning to them. You have to realise that the
crabs have a soft heart and are vulnerable. Do not contradict their
tested line of thought and action, it would only lead to confusion.

Leo (Sep 22 - Oct23)
DO'S
If you have Leo partner respect him and his majestic manners. Accept
the advice of Leo, the lion, as he is the king of the jungle. It is
the sign of a showman, so if your partner does everything in grand
style enjoy it. They fall easily for flattery and want to be centre of
attraction of all eyes (sometimes they can be quiet theatrical too).
DON'TS
Never ever hurt the ego of a Leo. Pride, ego and vanity are some of
the bags Leo's always carry with them. Do not touch these bags. An
authoritative Leo is even more difficult to handle in such
circumstances. Leo is a sunny sign so they do not like people who are
gloomy or depressed. Even if you are crying at heart keep a sunny
smile on your lips and then let the lion take charge and remove all
worries from your life.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept22)
DO'S
Virgo's are very methodical and have a great sense of duty. Howver,
they are blind to their own faults. So, if you have a Virgo partner
emphasise more on their qualities. Take keen interest in what they are
doing and you will realise that they will go out of their way to help
you. Do rely and appreciate their mental powers rather than their
physical powers. They can turn even an unsuccessful venture into a
success.
DON'TS
Do not push a Virgo into limelight or on the centre stage unless of
course they do so on their own. They are shy and reserved by nature
and do not like to be the cynosure of all eyes. Virgo's have secrets
that they would not like to bring out in the open. So, even if you
have the key to their secret skeleton-closet, hide it; do not even
admit that you know anything about it. Virgo, the virgins, do not want
to tarnish their public image.

Libra (Sep 22 - Oct 23)
DO'S
Librans need peace and harmony in all their relationships, so help
them maintain that. Venus, the ruling planet, gives them beauty and
they have weakness for people who can compliment them about their
beauty (you will not have to make an effort to do that anyway). You
can help Libra seek union and partnership in life. If you have a Libra
partner you can be sure to share beautiful and pleasurable moments
together.
DON'TS
Libra is kind and gentle soul but very argumentative. Hence, do not
start an argument or discussion unless, of course, you are free and do
not know how to pass your time. They hate to lose and most probably
during an argument may change sides too (remember scales can tilt) and
still continue arguing from the other side. Do not push your Libra
partner into making decisions. They will keep weighing pros and cons
and may still not be able to come to any decision. Have patience !

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Novr 21)
DO'S
Scorpio's are full of passion and zest for life. They have tremendous
drive that can involve you too. Tune in to their wavelength and you
can enjoy the harmony and music of life with them. Scorpio's are loyal
and never forget a kind deed done by you. If you want to enjoy life
with your Scorpio lover, share their passion and intensity and you
will be fascinated by how beautiful life can be with them.
DON'TS
Scorpio's are very passionate and intense but they are also fiercely
possessive and would like to possess your mind, body and soul. Do not
let seeds of jealousy grow in them because then you may have to suffer
agonies of jealousy and discontentment in life. Scorpio's have
explosive tempers be careful how you handle them. They never let
anyone know what is going on in their mind till they strike and you
may be caught unawares. Do not flirt around in the presence of your
Scorpio lover.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
DO'S
Sagittarius is basically a happy go lucky kind. You can enjoy with
them their zest and enthusiasm for life. They bubble with excitement.
And if you share the same interests and hobbies, life can be great fun
together. They are frank and straightforward so if you want some
truthful opinion about anything or anyone go to them. Be optimistic as
they are and view life as glass half full.
DON'TS
Sagittarius is fiercely independent and cannot tolerate restriction.
Hence, do not try to hold them back in life. Let them enjoy their
freedom because if you hold any special place in their heart they will
always come back for you. Do not feel irritated by the exaggeration in
their speech. They may go on and on, talking about certain things that
may not even interest you, but its their way of trying to communicate
with you. They are basically frank and outspoken (to the point of
being rude), so do not feel offended by their talks.

Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 20)
DO'S
Capricornians are strong and dependable. Hence, if you want to put
your money on anyone it is of course this zodiac sign. They are
practical and conservative in their outlook and they expect you to
blend in their colour. They set certain standards for themselves in
their life and they will always try to maintain those standards. For
them social status and image is very important in life.
DON'TS
Do not expect a Capricorn mate to open his/her heart and pour
everything to you. They are very secretive and reserved people. They
are very thorough in all their affairs and hate any kind of
sloppiness. People born under this zodiac are very tight-fisted and
economical. Do not expect lavish gifts from them and if they do give
you any gift (that is very rare) it will have some practical use (no
romance please) but that does not mean you will be deprived of
anything; on the contrary you will be well provided.

Aquarius (Jan 21 - Feb 21)
DO'S
Aquarius are friendly and fascinating people. They have in-depth
knowledge about various subjects and you can converse with them for
hours without getting bored. They are capable of giving a lot of love
that can be amazing. They have a very broad outlook of life and you
can relax in their presence. They will always welcome your ideas and
actions about humanitarian causes. To keep an Aquarius lover
interested you must possess that mysterious and intriguing quality.
Once hooked they will always be very faithful to you.
DON'TS
Do not expect or plan a normal, simple and predictable life with an
Aquarius partner. Aquarians are totally unpredictable. They can go to
any direction without giving any advance notice. They are basically
very restless and get bored easily. Though they are very friendly, do
not expect them to reveal their inner most feelings to you (they never
will). They can be detached and impersonal, which may seem strange to
others.

Pisces (Feb 22 - Mar 21)
DO'S
Pisceans are sensitive and charming. If you are looking for someone
who is understanding and can understand your feelings then you have
met the right person. You should appreciate their feelings too, as in
your time of need they are sure to help you. Pisces have a keenly
developed sixth sense and have great intuitive powers. Their hunches
may usually be right on mark. But they can exhaust their physical and
mental energies. They are born dreamers and you can build palaces with
your dream lover (only in real life it may become a little difficult
preposition).
DON'TS
Pisces are dreamers and you should not expect them to have worldly
ambitions. They are not materialistic in nature. It is not that they
like living below the poverty line but they have no earnest desire to
accumulate wealth. They are very sensitive and you have to be always
careful about their feelings. The fishes are capable of drowning you
in their tears (even men born under this sign).

Problems when using WIFE ver. 1.0

Technical Support

Dear Sir,
Last year I upgraded my system from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed
that the new program began creating problems within the system processing
and that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system
initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Friends 2.3, Girlfriend 3.2 and Saturday Football 5.0
no longer run, crashing the entire system whenever selected :(I cannot
seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while running my other favorite
applications. Whichever module or software I enter, only Wife 1.0 seems to
run and nothing else.

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall from
Wife 1.0 to Girlfriend 7.0 does not work on this program. Can you help me,
please!!!

Thanks!

Reply

Dear User,

This is a very common problem men users of the Wife 1.0 software complain
about but it is mostly due to a primary misconception of the software.

Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife
1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run
everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still
convert back to Girlfriend 7.0.
Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to
emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall,
delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed !!

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do
this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with
more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Worries
Invited For Ever (Wife 1.0)".

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife
1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section
regarding general partnership faults (GPFs).
You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might
occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action to solve this
major IT problem of yours will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.

In any case avoid excessive use of the Esc key because ultimately you will
have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return
to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for
all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance.
Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0.
I recommend you to install the latest gift software like Flowers 2.1,
Necklaces 3.2, and Chocolates 5.0.

note: Do not under any circumstances, install Secretary With Skirt 3.3.
This is not a supported application; in fact it is a deadly virus for Wife
1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Regards,
Technical Supporter

Height Of ............

HEIGHT OF ISOLATION:
Two persons sitting side by side using emails to communicate with each other.

HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:
Two persons fighting through emails.

HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS:
Receiving no emails for a week.

HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION:
The email server being down.

HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS:
Writing a love mail and doing a 'Send All.'

HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT:
A person sending email to a girl wanting to become friends and getting a reply.

HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS:
A person sending email to himself.

HEIGHT OF EXPECTATION:
Sending Pakistani cricket team an e-mail, wishing them to win a match...

HEIGHT OF REPETITION:
Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwarded
back to you by some one in the receiving chain.

HEIGHT OF BROWSING:
U r swimming in the water tank and shout "F1 F1 F1?" instead of
shouting "HELP" when u are unable to swim...

HEIGHT OF MY FRIENDSHIP:
I always mail, u don't.

HEIGHT OF HAVING NO WORK:
You reading such mails.

Fwd: take time to laugh

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.

Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and
the game went into extra time.

Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi
in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.

Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

Life of software engineer

A SW Engineers daily routine:

8:30AM: Wake up
8:45AM: Tough decision ; To bath or not.
8:50AM: Have To.
9:15AM: Punch in.
9:20AM: Check Mail.
9:25AM: Check Again just in case...
9:30AM: Since It is already 9:30 wait for tea(9:45AM).
9:45AM: TEA party.
10:00AM: Check Mail.
10:05AM: Check again. Can't Believe that no mail has come. Is every
body dead or what ?
10:20AM: Sudden feeling of loneliness and desperation turn around to
look for some body (Any body) to talk to.
10:30AM: Found a guy testing something. Feel real pity for his
pathetic, boring and useless existence.
10:40AM: Sudden urge to get some work done and fast. Start looking for
the file.(Can't remember it's name)
11:00AM: Boss summons in his office. Bad sign.
11:30AM: How the hell ! am I suppose to remember everything. Why
should I be responsible for everything that goes bad.
11:45AM: Try to locate a scapegoat. No body around.
12:00AM: Mood is really bad decide to postpone work till after lunch.
12:30AM: Lunch
1:00PM: Lunch over.
1:10PM: Go for a smoke. Can't even smoke in this god forsaken place.
1:35PM: Back from a smoke. It was good. I even did not paid for the
cig. The other chap is so foolish.
1:50PM: Mood is good. Decide to go to cool web sites. Real sleazy thoughts.
2:30PM: Feeling real sleepy after such a mammoth mental effort.
2:45PM: Tea Time.
3:00PM: Chat and discuss with colleague on the bad state of the
company. Blame everybody for incompetence and laziness.
4:00PM: A guy from testing comes for help.(Jerk)
4:11PM: Try to look busy.
4:12PM: He is asking for a techn! ical help.(Real jerk).
4:15PM: After really making him beg for help decide to take a look.
4:50PM: No solution found. really angry on the guy for getting myself involved.
4:55PM: Suddenly boss is spotted in the neighbouring area. Try make as
much loud noise as possible with some obscure technical jargon thrown
in.
5:00PM: Boss has gone back to his den. Coast is clear.
5:05PM: Blame the problem on RnD.
5:10PM: Check mail. "Yes" a mail has finally arrived.
5:13PM: It's a silly joke and old too. But it felt good.
5:14PM: a quick dash for gate.
5:15PM: Third in punching out.
5:25PM: Reached Room.
5:26PM: TV on. No worth while program.
8:30PM: Still no worth while program. Every body is getting lazy and
irresponsible what will happen to this world GOD help us. Curse
government and RnD.
8:45PM: Food arrives. Pretty bad and stinking.
8:48PM: Dinner finished.
12:45AM: Today there were really good programs.
1:46AM: Decide to sleep. Tough day ahead.

The Top Six Reasons Why Computers Are Female

6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.
5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.
4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for
future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. The message "Bad Command or File Name" is about as informative as
"If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to
tell you".

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE:

1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half of your paycheck on accessories for it.