Things to say at the office when stressed

1.  Okay, okay! I take it back. Unf**k you.

2.  You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

3.  Well this day was a total waste of make-up.

4.  Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?

5.  Don't bother me; I'm living happily ever after.

6.  Do I look like a people person?

7.  This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.

8.  I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

9.  Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless
acts of self-control?

11. I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?

14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't
       gone to sleep yet.

16. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.

17. Don't worry. I forgot your name too.

18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.

19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

20. Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

21. Chaos, panic and disorder... my work here is done.

22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

23. You look like crap. Is that the style now?

24. Earth is full. Go home.

25. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?

26. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

27. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.

28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.

Time & Work

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year-old son waiting for him at the door...

Son: "Daddy, may I ask you a question"

Daddy: "Yeah sure, what it is?"

Son: "Dad, how much do you make an hour"

Daddy: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"that man said angrily

Son: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"


Daddy: "I make Rs. 500 an hour"

"Oh", the little boy replied, with his head down. Looking up, he said,

"Dad, may I please borrow Rs. 300?"

The father was furious, "if the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or other nonsense,then march yourself to your room and go to bed. Think why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior"

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions.

How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:"May be there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs. 300 and he really didn't ask for money very often!" The man went to the door of little boy's room and opened the door. "Are you asleep, son?" He asked. "No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.

"I've been thinking, may be I was too hard on you earlier", said the man, "It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the Rs.300 you asked for" The little boy sat straight up, smiling "oh thank you dad!" He yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled some crippled up notes.The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his father. "Why do you want money if you already had some?" the father grumbled.

"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied."Daddy I have Rs. 500 now. Can I buy an hour of your time ? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you."

A New STD to be concerned about

(ATLANTA)  The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a
new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease.  The disease is
contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is
called Gonorrhea Lectim and pronounced "gonna re-elect him." Many
victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past
four years.  Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected
include: antisocial personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with
messianic overtones, extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to
incorporate new information, pronounced xenophobia and paranoia,
inability to accept responsibility for own actions, cowardice masked
by misplaced bravado, uncontrolled facial smirking, ignorance of
geography and history, tendencies towards evangelical theocracy,
categorical all-or-nothing behavior.  Naturalists and epidemiologists
are amazed at how this destructive disease originated only a few years
ago from a bush found in Texas.