India, an FAQ

To help the new wave of incoming students from India, here are the
proper answers to awkward questions asked everyday:

Q. What does that red dot on women's forehead mean?
A.
1. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery skills
by target practicing by aiming at their wife's red dot. In fact, that
is one of the reasons why they had many wives. You see, once they
mastered the art of archery and hit the target....
2. Each dot is unique. Since most indian women are very beautiful
their husbands might be confused so they look at each dot to identify
their wives. Also at night the dots will shine..like a flashlight.

Q. You're from India? I have read so much about the country.All the
wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers, the elephants. Do
you still use elephants for transportation?
A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own elephant in our
house.But later, we started participating in elephant-ride sharing
schemes with our neighbors, to save the air.You see elephants have an
"emissions" problem.....

Q. Does India have cars?
A.No.We ride elephants to work.The government is trying to encourage
ride-sharing schemes.

Q. Does India have TV?
A. No. We only have cable.

Q. Are all Indians vegetarian?
A. Yes. Even tigers are vegetarian in India.

Q.How come you speak English so well?
A. You see when the British were ruling India,they employed Indians as
servants.It took too long for the Indians to learn English. So the
British isolated an "English-language" gene and infused their
servants' babies with it and since then all babies born are born
speaking English.

Q. Are you a Hindi?
A. Yes. I am spoken everyday in Northern India.

Q. Do you speak Hindu?
A. Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.

Q. Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt?
A. Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would let me
go to school.

Q. India is very hot, isn't it?
A. It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously. That is
why tea is such a popular drink in India.

Q. Are there any business companies in India?
A. No. All Indians live on the Gandhian prinicples of
self-sufficiency. We all make our own clothes and grow our own
food.That is why you see all these thin skinny Indians -- it is is a
lot of hard work.

Q. Do you have Coca-Cola in India?
A. It was first made out of coconut...in india. But Indians didn't
like it much. So the Americans bought it and named it coke (from
coconut).

Q. India is such a religious place.Do you meditate regularly?
A. Yes, sometimes I meditate for weeks without food and drink.But it
is difficult to keep my job, because I have to miss work when I
meditate like that. But the bosses there do the same thing. That is
why things are so inefficient there.

Q. I saw on TV that people there walk on burning coals. Why do they do that?
A. We don't have shoes.So we burn the botton of our feet to make it
hard so that we can walk.

Q. Why do you sometimes wear Indian clothes to work?
A. I prefer it to coming naked.

Life's Instruction Book

Even at the risk of sounding corny, here goes...

• Have a firm handshake.
• Look people in the eye.
• Sing in the shower.
• Own a great stereo system.
• If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
• Keep secrets.
• Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.
• Always accept an outstretched hand.
• Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.
• Whistle.
• Avoid sarcastic remarks.
• Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery.
• Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.
• Lend only those books you never care to see again.
• Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.
• When playing games with ! children, let them win.
• Give people a second chance, but not a third.
• Be romantic.
• Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you
• know.
• Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.
• Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It's there for your convenience, not the caller's.
• Be a good loser.
• Be a good winner.
• Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.
• When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.
• Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.
• Keep it simple.
• Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.
• Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.
• Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets
• Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you'll regret thethings you didn't do more than the one's you did.
• Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
• Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.
• Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you.
• Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes.
• Begin each day with some of your favorite music.
• Once in a while, take the scenic route.
• Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're terrific.'
• Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.
• Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m .
• Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.
• Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.
• Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.
• Become someone's hero.
• Marry only for love.
• Count your blessings.
• Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home.
• Wave at the children on a school bus.
• Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people.
• Don't expect life to be fair.

Some furniture, this is

Jeff Green is a 32 year old American, in Arizona , whose wife passed away.

Due to the grief he suffered at her death, he did something totally out of character for a normal and sane person.

He said, "I could no longer take the pain that my wife's death caused me and so I brought her back home."

His wife, Lucy, was born with a heart condition that cut her life short at the young age of 29. Lucy's last words to Jeff were, "We will meet again in heaven.", but these words were of no consolation in Jeff's despair.

At the funeral, in an act of desperation, Jeff decided that he would not let Lucy leave him.

"I called the cemetery caretaker and explained my feelings." he said later, "I spoke with the authorities and got special permission to take my wife home with me.  They thought it strange, but I was allowed to take her with me.  I'd rather have her at home than six feet under ground.  Lucy had a great sense of humour and I'm sure she would appreciate being my coffee table."

Jeff ordered a special hermetically sealed glass case that eliminates the decomposition of a dead body.  "It cost me about $6,000.00, but it was worth it."

Some of his friends and relatives, filled with fear, stopped visiting him, but his true friends respected his decision and continue coming over.

Some even comment that it makes a nice piece of furniture.

Know about yourself

Check this out.... It Really Worked with me.... Will
work with u too...

Here you have a great chance to know about yourself
like your  character etc. without spending any money.
This test was devised by oxford university. It tells
about your personality just by your choice. So know
yourself  & enjoy

Here it is.....

Imagine you walked into a small hut by the river in
the jungle. You  pushed open the door, in front of you
were 7 small beds to the right of the hut,and another
7 small chairs surrounding a small round table. In the
middle of the table was a round food tray with 5 kinds
of fruit  in it.
There are:
a. Apple
b. Banana
c. Strawberry
d. Peach
e. Orange

Which fruit will u choose?
Your choice reveals about u! Pls be very Honest to
yourself.....
& Now scroll down for results:

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TEST RESULTS:
Here are the results.
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a. if you chosen apple: that means you are a person
who loves to eat  Apple
b. if you chosen banana: that means you are a person
who loves  to eat Banana
c. if you chosen strawberry: that means you are a
person who loves to eat Strawberry
d. if you chosen peach: that means you are a person
who loves to eat  Peach
e. if you chosen orange: that means you are  person
who loves to  eat Orange


Mine was STRAWBERRY!!! ;)