How to Choose A Girl in Arranged Marriage !

Some tips for Arranged marriage

Arranged marriage

There are times in a person's life when he needs to take crucial
decisions on his own. Marriage is one of them. Believe me, the decision
on whom to marry is the most important decision a person will make in
his life. After marriage, your wife is the most important person in your
life. She can make or break your life. The mere thought of this is very
frightening.

Some of the questions that crop up are -

a.. What sort of a girl do I marry?
b.. Will she adjust in my family?
c.. How can I decide on a girl by just meeting her for a few times? d..
When should I get married? e.. This is my life. So, I should choose the
girl I marry, but then what if I make a mistake? .. so on and so forth.

I will try to address these & many more questions in the following
sections.

The Ten Rules of Arranged marriage

Rule 1 - Magic no. 28

In an ideal scenario, a girl goes to college at the age of 18. By the
time she graduates, goes for her post graduation and/ or works for 1-2
years, she will be about 23- 24. This means that she has spent about 5
years away from her home. In the 5 years period, she would meet many
smart guys at college or during her first few years on job. So, in all
probability it would be difficult to find a good girl older than 24 yrs.
Secondly, in Indian families there is lot of pressure on the girl's to
get married by the time they become 24-25.

Statistics says that there is a generation gap after every 5 years. So,
in such scenario, one would prefer to marry a girl who is about 3-4
years younger to you. Thus, working backwards, an ideal age for a guy to
get married is by 28. Earlier the marriage, the better it is.

Well, as we all know, in the current market scenario, there will never
be stability in our career. So, I believe there is no such thing as, "I
will marry when I settle down".

Rule 2 -- Subset of marriage-able girls

At times you hear statements like, "I am not getting the right match, I
will look after 3 months, I will find a better match then". Well the
truth is otherwise. The subset of unmarried girl looking for a match is
fixed. From this subset, there would be girls who would get married &
there would be new girls added who would be looking for a match. The net
result is that at any given time, the variety & number of marriage-able
girls are fixed.

Rule 3 - Competition for girls

Like all other facets of life, there is lot of competition for good
girls. In my own case, I was rejected by girls. So, if you are looking
for a girl who is post graduate, done her Engg, is working, very
beautiful, smart, from a good family etc. etc, just think again. There
are other guys who are also looking for similar girls & probably they
are better off than you in terms of career, looks personality etc. Given
a choice every guy would like to marry Aishwarya Rai.So, set your
expectations accordingly.

Rule 4 -- Understanding girls

You would have met a lot of people during your life. As we all know, its
difficult to judge a person based on a few meetings. I am sure you would
agree with me that in case of girls it is even more difficult to
understand them in a few meetings. I know people who are still trying to
understand their wife. ;-).. Understanding your spouse is a life long
assignment. So, then how do you select a girl based on a few meeting?
This is where you need to take the help of your parents/ friends &
latest technologies like email/chat to choose your girl.

Rule 5 - Society expectation

The selection process is tough on every one who is involved in the
process. In arranged marriage, involvement of family & society is pretty
high. You can't meet a girl 3-4 times & then say no to her. It is bad
for her future. So, you should have a good short-listing criterion. Meet
only a few girls & be sure what you are looking for. It is for the
benefit of everyone involved.

Rule 6 -- Marriage between equals

Unlike love marriage, in arranged marriage you also marry into the
girl's family. In arranged marriages, family support plays a major role
in ensuring a successful marriage. This is where the compatibility of
social status, family values & caste/religion plays

a major role. Its important to note that in case there is a perfect
match between the two families, the marriage is destined to succeed.

Rule 7 - Know yourself

Unlike love marriage, in arranged marriage you first marry a person &
then fall in love. So, it's very important that you do a self-assessment
on the kind of person you would love. They say, "Opposite attract",
while they also say, "Bird of same feather flock together". So, you take
a call on what sort of person you like. Take a pen & paper; write down
the kind of attributes you are looking for in a girl. Say, she should
ideally have the looks of Sonia, the style of Monica, the voice of
Sheena, the patience of Rashmi. You will certainly not find the perfect
girl, but then you would have a good idea of what you are looking for.
The secret here is to set some minimum criteria for selection. Don't
forget rule no.3 here.

Rule 8 -- Girl's Beauty

A girl's looks attract, but then no one wants to end up marrying a dumb
blonde. It is like buying your bike. When you initially buy it, you are
crazy about the looks, but later on you love it for its reliability,
fuel economy & comfort level. Similarly, a girl's looks are important,
but then it should not be the most important criteria. Later on it life,
you will get bored of her looks. It is then that her personality &
behavior will make all the difference to your marriage. I am sure your
parents will be able to advice you a lot better on this topic.

Rule 9 -- Taking advice

As I have mentioned in the next rule, it's very important that the final
decision on whom to marry must necessarily be yours. However, don't do
the mistake of isolating yourself from the world while planning your
marriage. Discuss with your parents & very close friends on this issue.
They are your well wishers. Secondly, in such important matters its
necessary that you analyze all possibilities. Remember, I am not
suggesting that you follow others' advice, but don't forget to take
their advice.

Rule 10 -- Own decision

All said & done, it's your marriage & your life that is at stake. Once
you are married, you & your wife are the only persons who will be facing
the music. Don't marry a girl just because your parents or

friends asked you to do so. After marriage, if things don't work out &
you end up saying, "It's because of my friends or my parents that I
married you", then your marriage is destined for disaster. If the girl
is of your choice, it is you who will be responsible for whatever
happens. That's when the marriage works out perfectly. So, ensure that
you marriage the girl of your choice.

How to approach the selection process?

From the day, a person decides to get married; the selection process
takes a minimum of 3 months. The whole process needs a lot of patience &
commitment. The ideal steps to be followed are:

a.. Definition phase --

Define the minimum criteria for the kind of life partner you are looking
for in terms of education, physical appearance, social status, family
values, future career plans. Remember the Rule 3 here.

b.. Lead Generation phase --

Place ads in various newspapers, magazines, websites, through friends,
family friends, family societies & association etc. You need to exhaust
all possible means of getting biodatas at one go. Remember the Rule 2
here.

c.. Short listing phase -

Based on your selection criteria, short-list the interesting biodatas.
The general process followed for

correspondence is as follows:

1.. The initiator sends a one page profile of himself/ herself.

2.. Based on the profile, the receiver sends his/her one page profile
along with request for detailed profile, photo, horoscope.

3.. The initiator then sends the requested information along with a
request for similar information.

4.. The receiver send similar information.

5.. If the biodata is selected, it is passed over to the next phase.

A.. Casual interaction phase -

Based on shortlisting, about 7 to 10 biodatas are taken forwarded to
this phase. The next step to follow

here is to exchange email/ chat ids. The guy & the girl then interact
for 10 - 15 days to try & judge mutual compatibility through email/chat.

B.. Family interaction phase -

Based on the earlier phase, about 5 leads are taken for consideration in
this phase. During this phase, the parents get involved & check the
background information about the families to find mutual compatibility.

C.. The dating phase -

Based on the earlier phase about 3 leads are taken forward to this
phase. During this phase, the guy & the girl interact by going out alone
for 2-3 times. The guy needs to prepare a set of simple questions like
who is your favorite star, what are your hobbies? He needs to use his
judgment to analyze the girl based on her responses.

D.. The D-day phase -

Finally, the D-day comes when the guy has to select the girl he wants to
spend his life with. If the process if followed systematically, there
will be no ambiguity in deciding who should be your life partner.

Finally, my dear friends, marriage is all about compromises. In spite of
all the planning that you do, there are a lot of uncertainties in a
marriage. In fact this is the best part about marriage. Just remember
that the person you marry must be of your choice. In such case, there
would be no going back for both of you.

A few words of advice: To make your marriage a success; just believe in
the age-old virtue, "Never do anything to others that you don't like for
yourself".

Enjoy the selection process, it is fun.. :-) !!!
--
http://sidscool.blogspot.com

"If you are not having fun, you are not doing it right."

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